Grace in
relationships is holding loosely to your expectations of other people,
genuinely wanting the best for others, and working toward their good. We can
anticipate others falling short of our ideal or letting us down, but grace
assuming it is never their intention to hurt you.
Mercy in a
relationship is letting someone off the hook, forgiving mistakes they made (all
the easier when grace is given in advance), and allowing the two of you to move
forward in your relationship without a dark cloud hanging over it.
Grace is proactive.
Grace says, "I know you are not perfect, so I don't expect you to be. I
know you will make mistakes and that sometimes those mistakes will hurt me, but
I will assume you never mean to hurt me. I will do my best to set you up for success
and put effort into your good."
Mercy is
retroactive. Mercy doubles up on grace. Instead of taking the self-righteous
route and saying, "See? I told you you'd make mistakes. I told you you'd
hurt me. And now look; you have." Mercy simply says, "No, hey, that's
alright. This stuff happens, and I understand it wasn't your intention to hurt
me."
Mercy comes after
forgiveness because mercy is for the other person but forgiveness is about you.
Forgiving someone is letting go of the bitterness in your heart towards them,
not letting the hurt they caused you take up any more emotional energy or having
any more control in your life. Forgiveness is never about an apology but about
the health of your own heart. By the time someone apologizes, the healthiest
people don't respond, "I forgive you," but, "I forgave you a
long time ago."
Grace, forgiveness,
and mercy, walk together. They are the lubricants to our relational gears. They
minimize the hurt we cause each other, and we cause each other hurt all. the.
time. Give someone grace today. Remove the expectations you are holding over
their head to get it right every time or to love you perfectly. Anticipate that
sometimes they will do things to hurt your feelings, but decide here and now
that you will not take it personally when that happens, that you will do your
best to forgive them, and that you will still decide every day to actively love
them before and after all their big screw ups. (Hey, you screw up, too.)
