You are a masterpiece.
The way you live and love is artful to the core. You make it all beautiful. I feel like a more beautiful and true person for having you in my life. Many others have said and would say the same.
I don't know how to thank you for the way you've let your beauty overflow into my life the years that we've been friends.
But if art is your thing, words are mine. So of course I will try.
Thank you for the way you listen. When I tell you a story, it's like you jump into it Blue's Clues style. (Weirdest reference I've ever made, but we're going with it.) You become immediately and intensely interested in what I'm saying. I know I'm long-winded, but you make me feel like you're hanging on every word. Not only do you lovingly let me ramble and take in all I'm saying, you actively listen by asking the best questions. And whatever I say, you're never critical or judgmental. You let me be me and my stories be mine. You affirm me and my process with excitement and grace. You come into my life and sit with me where I'm at. Thank you for being an active and encouraging participant in what I've got going on.
Thank you for the way you share. You tell awesome stories, by the way. Not difficult to be interested in anything you have to say. I'm always intrigued and interested in whatever you're telling me, but what I appreciate the most is that you tell me. I'm thankful for the pieces of your life you've shared with me. Your vulnerability and transparency makes me feel less alone and lets you connect with others in a real and brave way.
Thank you for your humility. You put others first and watch out for their joy and well-being. You bring a humble and gentle spirit to any interaction. You respect those you disagree with, enough even to engage in thoughtful dialogue with them.
Thank you for your fun and adventurous spirit. I like that you're usually up for most anything. Your creativity and joy makes anything fun. I am instantly in brighter spirits in your presence. (The fact that you sometimes bring wine helps, too!) I am thankful for the times we've laughed together, the times we've danced together and especially the times we've done both at the same time ☺ I cherish the adventures we've had, the traveling we've done together and the memories we've made.
Thank you for your beauty. You shine from the inside. Your creativity leaves a mark on everything you touch. You leave things and people more beautiful for being around. You paint your love on everything you can.
Thank you for being safe. We agree on many things, and I don't know what I would have done in times of frustration had I not been able to run to you, vent and be enthusiastically agreed with. I'm glad for the things we see eye-to-eye on. But even in times you have not agreed with me or been worried for me or questioned my decisions, you have been a safe place to turn. I know I will never be judged or condemned by you, no matter what.
Thank you for celebrating with me and mourning with me. You have jumped up and down with me. You have held the umbrella up in the storms of my life. You have giggled and screamed with excitement for me, and you have cursed the rain for me.
So much I love and appreciate about you. Your wisdom, thoughtfulness, generosity, your outlook on life, your positivity, your intellect and humor. The way you think, the way you plan, the way you live to the fullest, the way you admit mistakes, the way you love others, the way you show up. Your courage, your vulnerability, your disdain for shame and disrespect, your patience, your understanding. Your snaps.
You're leaving, but it's not goodbye. I will fight to keep you in my life for as long as you'll have me. Distance only provides an opportunity for us to love more creatively.
See you later, precious friend. I love you.
Saturday, February 4, 2017
Friday, February 3, 2017
'Yes and...'
The most central idea in improvisational comedy is, Yes and. In improv, when one performer says something, it is the other performer's job to say, "Yes, and..." In other words, the second performer should, with their actions and dialogue, accept whatever the first performer has said or done and build on it.
The instinct of a beginning improviser is to say, "No, but..." Each performer has their own ideas about how the scene should go, so it is a natural reaction to resist another performer's premise and try to interject one's own. The art of improv is submitting to the bigger picture and giving up one's own ideas about what should happen in order to better collaborate with others.
Do you have people in your life that "No, but.." you? Do you know how it feels to be corrected more than accepted? Judged more than affirmed? Can you think of a time when someone rejected your premise in order to interject their own?
It's much more enjoyable to interact with people who "Yes, and..." you. They accept whatever you bring and engage with grace, love and sometimes even excitement. They don't come to you with expectations of how you should be but affirm you as you are. I love "Yes, and..." people.
To me, grace looks like "Yes, and." This is how I want to love others and myself. I want to enter into someone else's experience and say with my words and actions, "You're so great just as you are." I want to bring an "and" as well, contributing my best to the relationship.
They say you can't love another until you truly love yourself. Recently my eyes have been open to how poorly I treat myself. A friend of mine told me, "It's hard to get anything done well when you have someone in your head being mean to you all day." Why is it so hard to love the one person we're closest to: ourselves? Do you treat yourself like you would treat a friend?
For me, this looks like saying, "Yes, and..." to my feelings, choices and experiences. I don't always make the best decisions, but I can always love myself through them. For example, I struggle with a mean sweet tooth. I get cravings all throughout the day. You know what doesn't make my cravings go away? Saying, "No, I can't have a craving right now. I'm trying to lose weight. Brain, stop thinking about this craving." It also doesn't work to say, "Don't eat a donut, don't eat a donut, don't eat a donut..." I've been surprised to find that saying yes to my craving helps to alleviate it. Not saying yes to eating what I'm craving, but simply acknowledging and accepting what's happening in my brain. "Yes, I'm having a craving for a break room donut. And I'm going to choose not to eat that right now." I accept with grace that a craving happened in my brain. I don't give myself a hard time, I don't hate myself for always wanting sugar, I don't try to wish my craving away. I simply accept it, and that acceptance for the existence of my craving is enough to take some of the power from it. My brain can move on to other things.
I also, "Yes, and..." my feelings. Feelings are just feelings. Why should I ever feel bad about feeling any certain way? Trying to fight my feelings is like trying to drown a beach ball. They pop back up with a vengeance. Instead, if I acknowledge and accept my feelings ("Ok, I'm feeling sad right now.") and try to add something to that realization ("Why am I feeling sad about this?"), I am able to freely process them, learn something, let myself experience the feeling for however long I need to, and move forward.
The silliest way I "Yes, and..." myself is simply by cheering myself on. I celebrate small victories like I would celebrate with a friend. I tell myself I'm killing it every once in a while. When I make a mistake, I take a deep breath, acknowledge what happened, apologize and do my best to correct it. Then I give myself a pep talk, which mostly consists of convincing myself it's okay and I'm okay. I let myself off the hook and don't set unrealistically high standards and expectations of myself. I let myself be. I accept myself without judgement.
Having a "Yes, and..." attitude toward myself has helped me eradicate a lot of shame and anxiety from my life, and it's helped me be kinder and more accepting towards others. Doesn't everyone, deep down, just want to be said yes to?
How can you practice, "Yes, and..." with your family and friends? Lay down your premise and expectations, give up the way you want things, jump into another's experience, prioritize acceptance of another as they are and bring your best to contribute to the relationship.
My favorite person to "Yes, and..." is my favorite person in the world in general, my two year-old niece. Last week, after our family had breakfast for dinner and she ate pancakes with syrup and whipped cream, she was on a hyper rage across the house. Running, screaming, being silly... she couldn't focus on anything. It was the best thing to watch. I was in charge of getting her wiggly giggly self into pajamas. She was not on board. If I had forced my premise and told her with my serious voice and my serious eyebrows (the eyebrows work every time, man), "You NEED to put your pajamas on RIGHT NOW," she would have gotten grumpy and her hyper rampage would turn into just a rampage. I would have a toddler in jammies, but I would have ruined a moment.
I don't have any parenting experience, and many things I try with my niece work simply because I get to be the fun aunt and not a parent. I don't know if this stuff would work well in a regular parenting situation, and I know it can't always be happy, happy, fun time. I just know I don't want to be the person forcing my beautiful niece into a mold and shaming her when she doesn't fit. I want to be the person in her life that affirms her experience, meets her there, enjoys her existence, loves her well and has fun with her. I want her to know that with "tia" she is loved and accepted just as is, no matter what, and that nothing can make me not love her. I want to respond to her for her whole life with love and grace, so she knows she's forever okay.
So I didn't force the pajamas. I met her in her hyperness. I got silly. I accepted her premise, her version of reality at the moment, and jumped into it with her. I put the pajamas down for a second and made silly faces and silly noises with her. She asked me to lay down on the bed with her, so I did, and we took some selfies. I gave up my agenda and accepted hers. I enjoyed the fleeting time I have with this precious, adorable, fun human. Eventually, I picked the pajamas back up. Things have to get done sometime, silliness or not. But I made the pajamas dance and said, "Silly wiggle girl don't you want some dancing pajamas?" She said no to me in an English accent. What two year-old do you know that can do an English accent? Had I forced pajamas, I bet I would have gotten a tantrum, but instead I got to hear my niece do an accent. So I responded in my own accent, "Come now, we must put on our jammers." And she said no again, she said, with a smile in her adorable accent, "No, no, no." So I said it back with my smile and my accent, "No, no, no," and we said it louder and louder and laughed and laughed. And all the while, during our silly English-accent yelling battle, I was putting her in her pajamas. She was not resisting. And I had a clothed toddler, but we both enjoyed the process to the max.
"Yes, and..." works in more difficult situations as well. After a recent heartbreak, I had friends who tried to "No, but..." my grief. They offered their own solutions for and explanations of what I was experiencing without first accepting, understanding and jumping into where I was at. They didn't come to my level, they didn't embrace my experience, they skipped a step because they didn't start by saying yes to me and what I was feeling. I know they meant well, but the people who loved me well and gave me what I needed were those that said, "Yes, and..." to my grief. They accepted it. They sat in it with me. They told me with their words and actions that I was okay as I was. They didn't bring expectations of me or measure me against their standards of how I should be feeling and acting. They let me be with love and grace. Even in a broken state with nothing much to give, they accepted me and offered their presence.
"Yes, and..." has also helped me survive the crazy political climate right now. In September and October, I was trying to convince people of my point of view. I was trying to change minds and force others to accept my opinions. After an awkward conversation with a good friend, I realized trying to strongarm others to my point of view would never be successful and would almost always be awkward or damaging to my relationships. I also realized I didn't fully understand my friends' opinions because I was always interjecting with my argument. I don't have to agree with people, but conversations are more productive when I start with acceptance rather than judgement, ask questions and try to understand someone's perspective before I offer my own. This has facilitated much more peaceful discussions with people I love and has helped us find more common ground.
My grandparents were in town recently and were talking about the new temple being built nearby. We have different religious views, but what good would it ever do to debate my grandparents on religion? I even could have just said, "Oh, nice" and let the conversation die. But I jumped into their experience of the world. I asked questions about the temple and had an interesting dialogue about what it meant to them. I told them I would like to visit the temple with them when it's finished, and they were beaming. Entering another's experience and affirming them I think is the best way to love somebody. I have always had an interesting relationship with my grandparents, but I know they feel loved and appreciated when I get excited about the things they are excited about.
The world needs more yeses and more yes-and-ers. The world needs more acceptance and grace, not more judgement and shame. The world needs more people who tell other people they're okay. Start with acceptance and cultivate grace. I bet you'll experience a tidal wave of love and joy in your experiences and relationships.
The instinct of a beginning improviser is to say, "No, but..." Each performer has their own ideas about how the scene should go, so it is a natural reaction to resist another performer's premise and try to interject one's own. The art of improv is submitting to the bigger picture and giving up one's own ideas about what should happen in order to better collaborate with others.
Do you have people in your life that "No, but.." you? Do you know how it feels to be corrected more than accepted? Judged more than affirmed? Can you think of a time when someone rejected your premise in order to interject their own?
It's much more enjoyable to interact with people who "Yes, and..." you. They accept whatever you bring and engage with grace, love and sometimes even excitement. They don't come to you with expectations of how you should be but affirm you as you are. I love "Yes, and..." people.
To me, grace looks like "Yes, and." This is how I want to love others and myself. I want to enter into someone else's experience and say with my words and actions, "You're so great just as you are." I want to bring an "and" as well, contributing my best to the relationship.
They say you can't love another until you truly love yourself. Recently my eyes have been open to how poorly I treat myself. A friend of mine told me, "It's hard to get anything done well when you have someone in your head being mean to you all day." Why is it so hard to love the one person we're closest to: ourselves? Do you treat yourself like you would treat a friend?
For me, this looks like saying, "Yes, and..." to my feelings, choices and experiences. I don't always make the best decisions, but I can always love myself through them. For example, I struggle with a mean sweet tooth. I get cravings all throughout the day. You know what doesn't make my cravings go away? Saying, "No, I can't have a craving right now. I'm trying to lose weight. Brain, stop thinking about this craving." It also doesn't work to say, "Don't eat a donut, don't eat a donut, don't eat a donut..." I've been surprised to find that saying yes to my craving helps to alleviate it. Not saying yes to eating what I'm craving, but simply acknowledging and accepting what's happening in my brain. "Yes, I'm having a craving for a break room donut. And I'm going to choose not to eat that right now." I accept with grace that a craving happened in my brain. I don't give myself a hard time, I don't hate myself for always wanting sugar, I don't try to wish my craving away. I simply accept it, and that acceptance for the existence of my craving is enough to take some of the power from it. My brain can move on to other things.
I also, "Yes, and..." my feelings. Feelings are just feelings. Why should I ever feel bad about feeling any certain way? Trying to fight my feelings is like trying to drown a beach ball. They pop back up with a vengeance. Instead, if I acknowledge and accept my feelings ("Ok, I'm feeling sad right now.") and try to add something to that realization ("Why am I feeling sad about this?"), I am able to freely process them, learn something, let myself experience the feeling for however long I need to, and move forward.
The silliest way I "Yes, and..." myself is simply by cheering myself on. I celebrate small victories like I would celebrate with a friend. I tell myself I'm killing it every once in a while. When I make a mistake, I take a deep breath, acknowledge what happened, apologize and do my best to correct it. Then I give myself a pep talk, which mostly consists of convincing myself it's okay and I'm okay. I let myself off the hook and don't set unrealistically high standards and expectations of myself. I let myself be. I accept myself without judgement.
Having a "Yes, and..." attitude toward myself has helped me eradicate a lot of shame and anxiety from my life, and it's helped me be kinder and more accepting towards others. Doesn't everyone, deep down, just want to be said yes to?
How can you practice, "Yes, and..." with your family and friends? Lay down your premise and expectations, give up the way you want things, jump into another's experience, prioritize acceptance of another as they are and bring your best to contribute to the relationship.
My favorite person to "Yes, and..." is my favorite person in the world in general, my two year-old niece. Last week, after our family had breakfast for dinner and she ate pancakes with syrup and whipped cream, she was on a hyper rage across the house. Running, screaming, being silly... she couldn't focus on anything. It was the best thing to watch. I was in charge of getting her wiggly giggly self into pajamas. She was not on board. If I had forced my premise and told her with my serious voice and my serious eyebrows (the eyebrows work every time, man), "You NEED to put your pajamas on RIGHT NOW," she would have gotten grumpy and her hyper rampage would turn into just a rampage. I would have a toddler in jammies, but I would have ruined a moment.
I don't have any parenting experience, and many things I try with my niece work simply because I get to be the fun aunt and not a parent. I don't know if this stuff would work well in a regular parenting situation, and I know it can't always be happy, happy, fun time. I just know I don't want to be the person forcing my beautiful niece into a mold and shaming her when she doesn't fit. I want to be the person in her life that affirms her experience, meets her there, enjoys her existence, loves her well and has fun with her. I want her to know that with "tia" she is loved and accepted just as is, no matter what, and that nothing can make me not love her. I want to respond to her for her whole life with love and grace, so she knows she's forever okay.
So I didn't force the pajamas. I met her in her hyperness. I got silly. I accepted her premise, her version of reality at the moment, and jumped into it with her. I put the pajamas down for a second and made silly faces and silly noises with her. She asked me to lay down on the bed with her, so I did, and we took some selfies. I gave up my agenda and accepted hers. I enjoyed the fleeting time I have with this precious, adorable, fun human. Eventually, I picked the pajamas back up. Things have to get done sometime, silliness or not. But I made the pajamas dance and said, "Silly wiggle girl don't you want some dancing pajamas?" She said no to me in an English accent. What two year-old do you know that can do an English accent? Had I forced pajamas, I bet I would have gotten a tantrum, but instead I got to hear my niece do an accent. So I responded in my own accent, "Come now, we must put on our jammers." And she said no again, she said, with a smile in her adorable accent, "No, no, no." So I said it back with my smile and my accent, "No, no, no," and we said it louder and louder and laughed and laughed. And all the while, during our silly English-accent yelling battle, I was putting her in her pajamas. She was not resisting. And I had a clothed toddler, but we both enjoyed the process to the max.
"Yes, and..." works in more difficult situations as well. After a recent heartbreak, I had friends who tried to "No, but..." my grief. They offered their own solutions for and explanations of what I was experiencing without first accepting, understanding and jumping into where I was at. They didn't come to my level, they didn't embrace my experience, they skipped a step because they didn't start by saying yes to me and what I was feeling. I know they meant well, but the people who loved me well and gave me what I needed were those that said, "Yes, and..." to my grief. They accepted it. They sat in it with me. They told me with their words and actions that I was okay as I was. They didn't bring expectations of me or measure me against their standards of how I should be feeling and acting. They let me be with love and grace. Even in a broken state with nothing much to give, they accepted me and offered their presence.
"Yes, and..." has also helped me survive the crazy political climate right now. In September and October, I was trying to convince people of my point of view. I was trying to change minds and force others to accept my opinions. After an awkward conversation with a good friend, I realized trying to strongarm others to my point of view would never be successful and would almost always be awkward or damaging to my relationships. I also realized I didn't fully understand my friends' opinions because I was always interjecting with my argument. I don't have to agree with people, but conversations are more productive when I start with acceptance rather than judgement, ask questions and try to understand someone's perspective before I offer my own. This has facilitated much more peaceful discussions with people I love and has helped us find more common ground.
My grandparents were in town recently and were talking about the new temple being built nearby. We have different religious views, but what good would it ever do to debate my grandparents on religion? I even could have just said, "Oh, nice" and let the conversation die. But I jumped into their experience of the world. I asked questions about the temple and had an interesting dialogue about what it meant to them. I told them I would like to visit the temple with them when it's finished, and they were beaming. Entering another's experience and affirming them I think is the best way to love somebody. I have always had an interesting relationship with my grandparents, but I know they feel loved and appreciated when I get excited about the things they are excited about.
The world needs more yeses and more yes-and-ers. The world needs more acceptance and grace, not more judgement and shame. The world needs more people who tell other people they're okay. Start with acceptance and cultivate grace. I bet you'll experience a tidal wave of love and joy in your experiences and relationships.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Saturday Shout Out: Thanks for the connection
Sometimes I wonder how we are still friends. Other times I wonder if we should have only been friends all along. Either way, I'm glad to call you friend.
I have thought of you often over the years, wondering what your unique take on things might be, wanting to ask you but not feeling like I should.
I'm glad, after all these years, we connected again. And not just running into each other, catching up, saying hi. We really connected. We hadn't been able to be real for a while. There was a layer of relational funk still hanging around. But you came to town and, whatever changed, we could be real again. We could enjoy deep conversation and respect for each other. We could be ourselves and innocently and honestly enjoy the other person for just who they are. We could say things that may have hurt to say in the past. We could connect without fear or nervousness about what might happen, good or bad. We could just be two individuals interacting authentically.
Thanks for really listening. Thanks for asking me what I think. Thanks for challenging what I think. Thanks for picking me up late at night. Thanks for stargazing. Thanks for playing loud music and letting me exist as is. Thanks for being a safe place to let my guard down.
For months I have been longing for a conversation like we had that night. I have wanted to speak as passionately as I feel and not be questioned or rebuked but just heard. I have wanted to go back and forth with someone who could respectfully offer their own opinion, not in order to convince me of it but to have a healthy and helpful discussion of ideas. Even if you thought I was wrong on certain points, thanks for not treating me like I was wrong or laughing at my point of view.
I have hidden parts of me from many people for too long. With you under the stars, I could break out of the mold that was keeping me small. I could bear my soul. I could look out into the vastness of the night and feel limitless, part of everything, one with the world, open and set free and at peace.
The freedom of that night is not something I will soon forget. Thank you for the part you have played in my story. Thank you for setting me free under the stars. Thank you for your connection and for the ways you have perhaps unknowingly helped me connect with my true self, time and time again.
I have thought of you often over the years, wondering what your unique take on things might be, wanting to ask you but not feeling like I should.
I'm glad, after all these years, we connected again. And not just running into each other, catching up, saying hi. We really connected. We hadn't been able to be real for a while. There was a layer of relational funk still hanging around. But you came to town and, whatever changed, we could be real again. We could enjoy deep conversation and respect for each other. We could be ourselves and innocently and honestly enjoy the other person for just who they are. We could say things that may have hurt to say in the past. We could connect without fear or nervousness about what might happen, good or bad. We could just be two individuals interacting authentically.
Thanks for really listening. Thanks for asking me what I think. Thanks for challenging what I think. Thanks for picking me up late at night. Thanks for stargazing. Thanks for playing loud music and letting me exist as is. Thanks for being a safe place to let my guard down.
For months I have been longing for a conversation like we had that night. I have wanted to speak as passionately as I feel and not be questioned or rebuked but just heard. I have wanted to go back and forth with someone who could respectfully offer their own opinion, not in order to convince me of it but to have a healthy and helpful discussion of ideas. Even if you thought I was wrong on certain points, thanks for not treating me like I was wrong or laughing at my point of view.
I have hidden parts of me from many people for too long. With you under the stars, I could break out of the mold that was keeping me small. I could bear my soul. I could look out into the vastness of the night and feel limitless, part of everything, one with the world, open and set free and at peace.
The freedom of that night is not something I will soon forget. Thank you for the part you have played in my story. Thank you for setting me free under the stars. Thank you for your connection and for the ways you have perhaps unknowingly helped me connect with my true self, time and time again.
Monday, January 9, 2017
Batch Your Life
Batching is the idea that it is more effective to group similar tasks together.
For example, we do tons of mass mailings where I work. It would take forever to complete a mailing if we completed each envelope, from folding and stuffing the contents to running the postage, one at a time. It's much faster to label all the envelopes, then stuff them all, then seal them all, etc.
Batching in the kitchen has become more popular with the concept of meal prepping. Make and package all your meals for the week on one day to save time and effort throughout the week. A couple hours to a day of preparation and you've got everything ready for the next six.
Other things you can batch:
Meal planning
I sat down one day, searched recipes and wrote out meal plans with accompanying grocery lists for six weeks. I listed out what things on the meal plan I could prep ahead of time. Now, when it's time to grocery shop and meal prep, I just pull out my list for the week, double check my pantry for things I have and head to the store.
I've found having all that work done already has left extra time and energy to check the ads for sales and coupons on what I already know I need to buy, something I would never be willing to do after all the work of making a meal plan and a list for the week, every week.
At the end of this six weeks, I plan to go back through my meal plans, make adjustments if needed and recycle back to week one. As long as I'm willing to eat a cycle of six weekly meal plans over and over, half the work of my meal each week is already done.
Portion control
A side benefit to meal prepping is that you can decide your portions ahead of time. When I meal prep, I do so on a full stomach so I'm not tempted to snack on all the stuff I'm making along the way. That also puts me in a good state of mind to make healthy decisions about my portions ahead of time. Why leave it up to hungry Katelyn to dish out a healthy serving in the moment? Healthy Katelyn's eyes are always bigger than her stomach (and acid reflex) can handle.
So after I prep my meals, I divide them up into healthier serving sizes in separate tupperware and ziplocks. When it's time to eat, it's already dished out, and I never feel the need to go back for seconds.
Picking out what to wear
Raise your hand if you've ever been late trying to figure out what to wear. I'll often try on two or three outfits I'm not happy with before settling with whatever is clean and most comfortable. Much of my jewelry and shirts go unworn for lack of creativity when I'm in a rush early in the morning. In order to get more out of my wardrobe and save time and sanity in the mornings, I started picking out my outfits in batch. After doing laundry, I'll try on new things together, arrange outfits and hang them up together in the closet. I'll even hang the necklace, scarf, watch, tights, etc. I want to wear with it all on the same hanger. (I used to go so far as to pin my earrings to my clothes, but I found that to be more effort than it was worth.) Now in the morning, I pick out a complete outfit to wear. SO much time saved and stress avoided. I also find it helps my clean laundry last longer, my outfits are more creative and I save money by avoiding shopping since I experience the "nothing to wear" feeling less often.
Your to do list
Before the new year, I got a new planner. I wrote out all the more major chores that need to be done throughout the year and how often. For example, I never remember to dust my ceiling fan blades until I lay down in bed and shudder at the layer of dust up there. Nasty. I mentally remind myself to do that ASAP (except not right now because I'm already in bed), fall asleep and forget again. So in my planner I decided which chores I would do every month and which months I would do the less frequent chores. I wrote everything down on each month's page. If remembering to do chores is half the battle, then half the battle is already won!
I did this at work also. Though we know the deadlines of our regular projects (that happen the same time of year every year), they always seem to sneak up on us. I literally wrote out a list of all the deadlines for each month and then on the same page wrote more major deadlines in upcoming months to be aware of ahead of time. Now our team is all on the same page about what to be working on and looking out for. For once at work I feel ahead of the game, since I can easily move right to the next project when one is finished. My boss recently commented how impressed she was that I turned something in a week ahead of schedule.
Cleaning
Maids don't clean houses room by room like you probably do and like I did until I learned this. Save time by cleaning your house like a maid would. First, go around your house with a laundry basket and a trash bag. Throw away any trash and put everything that needs to be put away in the laundry basket. Throw the trash bag away and set the laundry basket aside for later. Now batch the rest of your tasks. Dust all the surfaces. Vacuum the whole house. (Why I'm so excited about the cordless vacuum I got for Christmas!) Swiffer all the swiffer-able floors. Wash the windows and mirrors in all the rooms and bathrooms. You get the gist. Finish by traveling around with the laundry basket and putting your items back in their places.
Batching can seem intimidating or like a lot of work, since you're taking tasks you would spread out over days, weeks and months and doing a large chunk of the work up front. But it's an investment, that you'll notice the payoff of over time.
Benefits of batching:
Easier tasks
The main principle behind batching is that repeating similar tasks together makes the task easier. Putting a single outfit together is much easier when I'm looking at all my clothes and accessories and putting a bunch of outfits together. Vacuuming and dusting everything at once is easier than room by room once you already have the vacuum or duster out.
Mental energy
Batching means on a daily basis I spend hardly any mental energy deciding what I'm going to eat or wear. My mind is more free to focus on other things. I start the day off better when I don't have to spend any time or energy figuring out what to wear. I get off work and am free from the weight of wondering what I am going to make for dinner.
Motivation
We can't be motivated to make helpful and healthy choices for ourselves all the time. Batching prepares me for the moments that I would otherwise pour myself a heaping bowl of mac and cheese or order a pizza. I already have healthier food ready and waiting for me. At that point it's easier to stick to the plan and eat well, and ordering a pizza would just be more effort.
Win factor
I spent about four hours last Sunday grocery shopping, doing laundry, organizing my outfits (ended up being about a month's worth), and prepping some of my food for the week. The rest of my week felt like smooth sailing. I had already done a good chunk of the work for the week. Going to bed Sunday night knowing I was ahead of the game felt great, and I feel like I've been riding that wave of win all week.
The combination of having already spent the time, done the work, freed up my mental space and set myself up to win all week propelled me into bigger things I don't think I would have had the time or energy for otherwise, like getting everything ready for my upcoming move, being super focused and efficient at work and writing a couple blog posts.
Batching is especially helpful when you're high on motivation, which comes in waves. When you notice a wave of motivation, harness that energy to prep for times like after a particularly hard day or when unforeseen circumstances come up. On the rare occasions I feel motivated to do laundry, that's when I also iron clothes that need it and plan my outfits. In just a couple hours, I'll have enough outfits all ready to go for about a month, hopefully enough time for my excitement for doing my laundry to come back around.
Let's be real, though, some tasks we'll never find ourselves motivated or excited to do. I've also noticed it's helpful to intentionally set aside time to batch. I've decided at some point on Sunday I need to hit the grocery store and get my meals ready. If I don't do this, I'll set myself up to make less healthy food choices during the week. Though I don't love meal prepping, I love the way it feels throughout the week to be prepared, in control of my cravings and armed with the tools to make healthier choices. So whether I feel like it or not, I'll spend some time on Sundays shopping and prepping.
Setting aside a few hours to get things done ahead of time can save you tons of time and energy later on. Could even save you money too! Be kind to future you. Do a larger batch of work ahead of time so you can reap the benefits later.
For example, we do tons of mass mailings where I work. It would take forever to complete a mailing if we completed each envelope, from folding and stuffing the contents to running the postage, one at a time. It's much faster to label all the envelopes, then stuff them all, then seal them all, etc.
Batching in the kitchen has become more popular with the concept of meal prepping. Make and package all your meals for the week on one day to save time and effort throughout the week. A couple hours to a day of preparation and you've got everything ready for the next six.
Other things you can batch:
Meal planning
I sat down one day, searched recipes and wrote out meal plans with accompanying grocery lists for six weeks. I listed out what things on the meal plan I could prep ahead of time. Now, when it's time to grocery shop and meal prep, I just pull out my list for the week, double check my pantry for things I have and head to the store.
I've found having all that work done already has left extra time and energy to check the ads for sales and coupons on what I already know I need to buy, something I would never be willing to do after all the work of making a meal plan and a list for the week, every week.
At the end of this six weeks, I plan to go back through my meal plans, make adjustments if needed and recycle back to week one. As long as I'm willing to eat a cycle of six weekly meal plans over and over, half the work of my meal each week is already done.
Portion control
A side benefit to meal prepping is that you can decide your portions ahead of time. When I meal prep, I do so on a full stomach so I'm not tempted to snack on all the stuff I'm making along the way. That also puts me in a good state of mind to make healthy decisions about my portions ahead of time. Why leave it up to hungry Katelyn to dish out a healthy serving in the moment? Healthy Katelyn's eyes are always bigger than her stomach (and acid reflex) can handle.
So after I prep my meals, I divide them up into healthier serving sizes in separate tupperware and ziplocks. When it's time to eat, it's already dished out, and I never feel the need to go back for seconds.
Picking out what to wear
Raise your hand if you've ever been late trying to figure out what to wear. I'll often try on two or three outfits I'm not happy with before settling with whatever is clean and most comfortable. Much of my jewelry and shirts go unworn for lack of creativity when I'm in a rush early in the morning. In order to get more out of my wardrobe and save time and sanity in the mornings, I started picking out my outfits in batch. After doing laundry, I'll try on new things together, arrange outfits and hang them up together in the closet. I'll even hang the necklace, scarf, watch, tights, etc. I want to wear with it all on the same hanger. (I used to go so far as to pin my earrings to my clothes, but I found that to be more effort than it was worth.) Now in the morning, I pick out a complete outfit to wear. SO much time saved and stress avoided. I also find it helps my clean laundry last longer, my outfits are more creative and I save money by avoiding shopping since I experience the "nothing to wear" feeling less often.
Your to do list
Before the new year, I got a new planner. I wrote out all the more major chores that need to be done throughout the year and how often. For example, I never remember to dust my ceiling fan blades until I lay down in bed and shudder at the layer of dust up there. Nasty. I mentally remind myself to do that ASAP (except not right now because I'm already in bed), fall asleep and forget again. So in my planner I decided which chores I would do every month and which months I would do the less frequent chores. I wrote everything down on each month's page. If remembering to do chores is half the battle, then half the battle is already won!
I did this at work also. Though we know the deadlines of our regular projects (that happen the same time of year every year), they always seem to sneak up on us. I literally wrote out a list of all the deadlines for each month and then on the same page wrote more major deadlines in upcoming months to be aware of ahead of time. Now our team is all on the same page about what to be working on and looking out for. For once at work I feel ahead of the game, since I can easily move right to the next project when one is finished. My boss recently commented how impressed she was that I turned something in a week ahead of schedule.
Cleaning
Maids don't clean houses room by room like you probably do and like I did until I learned this. Save time by cleaning your house like a maid would. First, go around your house with a laundry basket and a trash bag. Throw away any trash and put everything that needs to be put away in the laundry basket. Throw the trash bag away and set the laundry basket aside for later. Now batch the rest of your tasks. Dust all the surfaces. Vacuum the whole house. (Why I'm so excited about the cordless vacuum I got for Christmas!) Swiffer all the swiffer-able floors. Wash the windows and mirrors in all the rooms and bathrooms. You get the gist. Finish by traveling around with the laundry basket and putting your items back in their places.
Batching can seem intimidating or like a lot of work, since you're taking tasks you would spread out over days, weeks and months and doing a large chunk of the work up front. But it's an investment, that you'll notice the payoff of over time.
Benefits of batching:
Easier tasks
The main principle behind batching is that repeating similar tasks together makes the task easier. Putting a single outfit together is much easier when I'm looking at all my clothes and accessories and putting a bunch of outfits together. Vacuuming and dusting everything at once is easier than room by room once you already have the vacuum or duster out.
Mental energy
Batching means on a daily basis I spend hardly any mental energy deciding what I'm going to eat or wear. My mind is more free to focus on other things. I start the day off better when I don't have to spend any time or energy figuring out what to wear. I get off work and am free from the weight of wondering what I am going to make for dinner.
Motivation
We can't be motivated to make helpful and healthy choices for ourselves all the time. Batching prepares me for the moments that I would otherwise pour myself a heaping bowl of mac and cheese or order a pizza. I already have healthier food ready and waiting for me. At that point it's easier to stick to the plan and eat well, and ordering a pizza would just be more effort.
Win factor
I spent about four hours last Sunday grocery shopping, doing laundry, organizing my outfits (ended up being about a month's worth), and prepping some of my food for the week. The rest of my week felt like smooth sailing. I had already done a good chunk of the work for the week. Going to bed Sunday night knowing I was ahead of the game felt great, and I feel like I've been riding that wave of win all week.
The combination of having already spent the time, done the work, freed up my mental space and set myself up to win all week propelled me into bigger things I don't think I would have had the time or energy for otherwise, like getting everything ready for my upcoming move, being super focused and efficient at work and writing a couple blog posts.
Batching is especially helpful when you're high on motivation, which comes in waves. When you notice a wave of motivation, harness that energy to prep for times like after a particularly hard day or when unforeseen circumstances come up. On the rare occasions I feel motivated to do laundry, that's when I also iron clothes that need it and plan my outfits. In just a couple hours, I'll have enough outfits all ready to go for about a month, hopefully enough time for my excitement for doing my laundry to come back around.
Let's be real, though, some tasks we'll never find ourselves motivated or excited to do. I've also noticed it's helpful to intentionally set aside time to batch. I've decided at some point on Sunday I need to hit the grocery store and get my meals ready. If I don't do this, I'll set myself up to make less healthy food choices during the week. Though I don't love meal prepping, I love the way it feels throughout the week to be prepared, in control of my cravings and armed with the tools to make healthier choices. So whether I feel like it or not, I'll spend some time on Sundays shopping and prepping.
Setting aside a few hours to get things done ahead of time can save you tons of time and energy later on. Could even save you money too! Be kind to future you. Do a larger batch of work ahead of time so you can reap the benefits later.
Sunday, January 8, 2017
I am enough today
I still hope for someday.
Someday maybe I'll meet the right guy. Someday maybe I'll love someone who will stay. Someday I hope I'll build a family on a foundation of love.
It's not someday yet. And I have to accept the possibility that someday may never come.
But today.
Today I show up. I give myself to what's in front of me. Today I do my best to fiercely love the family I have while I wait to build my own. Today I aim for courageous honesty with the people I love. Today I bear my soul and search for joy and dance in the face of adversity.
Today I am worthy of love.
So I hope someday somebody really sees me. I hope he'll say to himself, Finally. I hope he thinks I'm the real deal. I hope he won't be scared to be himself, afraid to be honest or intimidated by a strong woman who knows and gives of herself. I hope he won't run away, because he'll be the real deal too. I hope he'll stay through the hard stuff because he'll know even the most beautiful things need fertilizer and rain to grow. And we'll be two whole and healthy people doing our best to be the truest, bravest humans we can and fighting to make the world better and more full of truth and love and the real stuff. We'll upset each other and be in each other's messes and do imperfect, scary, risky, honest, real, hard life together. It will be hard, it will feel impossible at times, it will take all of us. But we'll fight for it because it will be real and beautiful. Together we'll fight for all the things that matter.
I hope for that someday.
But if someday never comes, I'll just keep fighting for love and truth and joy. I'll try to build friendships like that and continue to love my important people with the kind of love that's real and doesn't run and sits in the messes together. I'll love myself with the kind of love that doesn't shame or discourage but builds up. I'll keep voicing my insides and telling the truth, and I'll try to live with courageous honesty.
Today that's enough. Love is always enough.
Today I am enough for me.
Someday maybe I'll meet the right guy. Someday maybe I'll love someone who will stay. Someday I hope I'll build a family on a foundation of love.
It's not someday yet. And I have to accept the possibility that someday may never come.
But today.
Today I show up. I give myself to what's in front of me. Today I do my best to fiercely love the family I have while I wait to build my own. Today I aim for courageous honesty with the people I love. Today I bear my soul and search for joy and dance in the face of adversity.
Today I am worthy of love.
So I hope someday somebody really sees me. I hope he'll say to himself, Finally. I hope he thinks I'm the real deal. I hope he won't be scared to be himself, afraid to be honest or intimidated by a strong woman who knows and gives of herself. I hope he won't run away, because he'll be the real deal too. I hope he'll stay through the hard stuff because he'll know even the most beautiful things need fertilizer and rain to grow. And we'll be two whole and healthy people doing our best to be the truest, bravest humans we can and fighting to make the world better and more full of truth and love and the real stuff. We'll upset each other and be in each other's messes and do imperfect, scary, risky, honest, real, hard life together. It will be hard, it will feel impossible at times, it will take all of us. But we'll fight for it because it will be real and beautiful. Together we'll fight for all the things that matter.
I hope for that someday.
But if someday never comes, I'll just keep fighting for love and truth and joy. I'll try to build friendships like that and continue to love my important people with the kind of love that's real and doesn't run and sits in the messes together. I'll love myself with the kind of love that doesn't shame or discourage but builds up. I'll keep voicing my insides and telling the truth, and I'll try to live with courageous honesty.
Today that's enough. Love is always enough.
Today I am enough for me.
Saturday, January 7, 2017
a daily discipline of boundless grace
No, I'm not picking one word for 2017. I changed my mind. I'm picking six.
I'm on day seven of my habit-stacking experiment. I chose eight habits for the year that I want to add to my daily life from here on out by focusing on winning at one for six weeks before adding another on top of that.
My first goal is sticking to a meal plan. That entails making a plan for the week, grocery shopping for only those things, prepping what I can ahead of time and eating what was on the plan. I was hoping this would naturally help me control my portions and avoid eating out. It's done that and more, which I'll continue to write about in later posts.
I have already been surprised about what a change in my overall life a small, simple shift toward health has made. I learn this lesson over and over whenever I set and start working toward new goals. Health begets health. But after a usually short amount of time, my goal cycle sets in.
Goal setting, excitement, goal following, encouragement, misstep, discouragement, harder goal following out of guilt, getting overwhelmed, giving up, giving into my anti-goals more than before I set my goals
For example, I did my first and only full Whole 30* last October. For 30 days I ate only protein, vegetables, fruits and healthy fats while I avoided sugar and sweeteners, alcohol, legumes, dairy and grains. It was hard, but with accountability from coworkers I lasted the 30 days and lost 18 pounds. Day 31 was Halloween, and day 32 was a sugar hangover from hell. I went back to my old habits and gained back the weight I lost and more.
I have tried multiple times since then to another Whole 30 but haven't succeeded more than a week. I get excited, I make a plan, I go grocery shopping and I eat according to plan for a few days. But in a moment of weakness or after I wait too long to go grocery shopping and run out of food, I order a pizza. I feel super discouraged and get real down on myself, so I eat more. (My feelings always feel better after they're fed.) After the pizza, I don't want to go back to broccoli and stuff. Gross. I spiral into a worse nutritional place than I was before and gain weight until I get tired of the scale going up and decide to start a Whole 30. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I have been in this vicious cycle for more or less the last year and a half. Yikes.
For a lot of reasons, simply sticking to a meal plan has felt different and seems like it has the potential to me more beneficial to me over time. But the biggest difference so far has nothing to do with plans or prepping or calories or whether I can buy all my groceries at Wal-Mart or I have to go to Whole Foods to get special ranch.
I think the reason this time feels different is because I am learning about grace and trying to apply it to everything I do.
How much grace do you have for yourself?
Beating myself up about falling short of my ambitions, telling myself I might as well have pizza since I'll never be able to eat healthy or be the weight I want, cringing in the mirror, calling myself a fat fuck trying to fit into my jeans or a lazy piece of shit after spending the day on the couch, only half enjoying the piece of cake I decided to indulge in because I'm trying to quiet the other voice that's shaming me the whole time, trying to quiet the voice with another piece of cake and feeling even more ashamed, being disappointed in myself every time I put off grocery shopping...
Maybe it hasn't been my love for bread keeping me down all this time. Maybe it's my self-animosity.
I would never dream of treating or even thinking of a friend half as bad as I do myself. I feel sad and heavy writing that out.
My negative feelings toward myself and my body have been around for a long time. I don't know where they came from, but I don't think they have helped me any.
On day 1 of a hopeful, sparkly new year, I didn't have a list of resolutions making me feel bad about sitting on my couch for the good part of a Sunday. I had two small goals, two things on my to do list. Go grocery shopping. Get some food ready ahead of time for the week. I found a loophole to feel good about procrastinating even those two simple goals. I watched TV while I clipped coupons. Towards the end of the day, I went to the store and I made my food.
It felt so good to win. I was on a roll. I did some laundry and packed for my upcoming move.
I can make ambitious lists until Google Keep tells me I'm running out of characters. But then it's so much it weighs me down. So far this year, I gave myself a break. I did myself a kindness. I set two and only two goals for the day. And instead of having a list of 15 things to do, doing zero and feeling guilty, I got both things on my list done and more and felt like a winner. That winning feeling has continued to motivate and energize me.
Even on day seven, I haven't stuck perfectly to my exact meal plan. I've moved meals around and substituted things. I brought olive oil potato chips with my sandwich to work for lunch but couldn't pass up the free-for-all crunchy cheetos in the breakroom. When my parents asked me if I was staying for dinner, I stayed for the spaghetti. But I haven't failed. I count this week a win. I've adjusted and been flexible with myself. I've made better choices about my food and portions more often than I haven't. I lost a couple pounds. Most importantly, I've been kind to myself. I've not set myself up for failure. I didn't set a resolution to lose weight and tack on all these unrealistic sub-goals of working out every day and sticking to lean proteins, only to feel more and more discouraged about my weight. I simply decided for six weeks I would do my best most days to work on building and strengthening a simple habit.
But I think the thing at the heart of it that matters most finally came to me. No matter the number on the scale or the size of my pants, I can't treat myself like garbage anymore. Why would anyone take care of garbage? I'm worth treating with kindness and respect. I need to treat myself like a friend. I've found room to give myself grace.
In 2017, I'll make attempts to improve the ways I eat and spend my time and money. I hope I'll be successful and that these new habits will stick. I hope by the end of this year, by taking small steps every day, I'll be miles closer to the person I want to be. But I can't wait until the 20 lbs lighter, mentally and spiritually glowing version of me is staring back at me in the mirror to love myself. That I can start today.
So I'm not working toward a lower number on the scale or a bulky savings account this year. I'm trying to build a daily discipline of boundless grace. In my disciplines, I'll remain kind to myself. I'll let myself off the hook for mess ups and try to stop thinking I look fat. I'll value myself like I value my family and friends. I'll give myself the gift of planning ahead. Sometimes I'll love myself by not skipping dessert. Other times it'll be by asking a friend to go for a walk instead of out to dinner. I'll stop fighting with myself but will acknowledge my cravings, try to make better decisions, and let it be okay when I don't. I'll start fresh every moment if needed. I'll practice things like meal prepping and budgeting, but my life discipline will be grace and love, for myself and others.
My six words for the year: a daily discipline of boundless grace ♥
I'm on day seven of my habit-stacking experiment. I chose eight habits for the year that I want to add to my daily life from here on out by focusing on winning at one for six weeks before adding another on top of that.
My first goal is sticking to a meal plan. That entails making a plan for the week, grocery shopping for only those things, prepping what I can ahead of time and eating what was on the plan. I was hoping this would naturally help me control my portions and avoid eating out. It's done that and more, which I'll continue to write about in later posts.
I have already been surprised about what a change in my overall life a small, simple shift toward health has made. I learn this lesson over and over whenever I set and start working toward new goals. Health begets health. But after a usually short amount of time, my goal cycle sets in.
Goal setting, excitement, goal following, encouragement, misstep, discouragement, harder goal following out of guilt, getting overwhelmed, giving up, giving into my anti-goals more than before I set my goals
For example, I did my first and only full Whole 30* last October. For 30 days I ate only protein, vegetables, fruits and healthy fats while I avoided sugar and sweeteners, alcohol, legumes, dairy and grains. It was hard, but with accountability from coworkers I lasted the 30 days and lost 18 pounds. Day 31 was Halloween, and day 32 was a sugar hangover from hell. I went back to my old habits and gained back the weight I lost and more.
I have tried multiple times since then to another Whole 30 but haven't succeeded more than a week. I get excited, I make a plan, I go grocery shopping and I eat according to plan for a few days. But in a moment of weakness or after I wait too long to go grocery shopping and run out of food, I order a pizza. I feel super discouraged and get real down on myself, so I eat more. (My feelings always feel better after they're fed.) After the pizza, I don't want to go back to broccoli and stuff. Gross. I spiral into a worse nutritional place than I was before and gain weight until I get tired of the scale going up and decide to start a Whole 30. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I have been in this vicious cycle for more or less the last year and a half. Yikes.
For a lot of reasons, simply sticking to a meal plan has felt different and seems like it has the potential to me more beneficial to me over time. But the biggest difference so far has nothing to do with plans or prepping or calories or whether I can buy all my groceries at Wal-Mart or I have to go to Whole Foods to get special ranch.
I think the reason this time feels different is because I am learning about grace and trying to apply it to everything I do.
How much grace do you have for yourself?
Beating myself up about falling short of my ambitions, telling myself I might as well have pizza since I'll never be able to eat healthy or be the weight I want, cringing in the mirror, calling myself a fat fuck trying to fit into my jeans or a lazy piece of shit after spending the day on the couch, only half enjoying the piece of cake I decided to indulge in because I'm trying to quiet the other voice that's shaming me the whole time, trying to quiet the voice with another piece of cake and feeling even more ashamed, being disappointed in myself every time I put off grocery shopping...
Maybe it hasn't been my love for bread keeping me down all this time. Maybe it's my self-animosity.
I would never dream of treating or even thinking of a friend half as bad as I do myself. I feel sad and heavy writing that out.
My negative feelings toward myself and my body have been around for a long time. I don't know where they came from, but I don't think they have helped me any.
On day 1 of a hopeful, sparkly new year, I didn't have a list of resolutions making me feel bad about sitting on my couch for the good part of a Sunday. I had two small goals, two things on my to do list. Go grocery shopping. Get some food ready ahead of time for the week. I found a loophole to feel good about procrastinating even those two simple goals. I watched TV while I clipped coupons. Towards the end of the day, I went to the store and I made my food.
It felt so good to win. I was on a roll. I did some laundry and packed for my upcoming move.
I can make ambitious lists until Google Keep tells me I'm running out of characters. But then it's so much it weighs me down. So far this year, I gave myself a break. I did myself a kindness. I set two and only two goals for the day. And instead of having a list of 15 things to do, doing zero and feeling guilty, I got both things on my list done and more and felt like a winner. That winning feeling has continued to motivate and energize me.
Even on day seven, I haven't stuck perfectly to my exact meal plan. I've moved meals around and substituted things. I brought olive oil potato chips with my sandwich to work for lunch but couldn't pass up the free-for-all crunchy cheetos in the breakroom. When my parents asked me if I was staying for dinner, I stayed for the spaghetti. But I haven't failed. I count this week a win. I've adjusted and been flexible with myself. I've made better choices about my food and portions more often than I haven't. I lost a couple pounds. Most importantly, I've been kind to myself. I've not set myself up for failure. I didn't set a resolution to lose weight and tack on all these unrealistic sub-goals of working out every day and sticking to lean proteins, only to feel more and more discouraged about my weight. I simply decided for six weeks I would do my best most days to work on building and strengthening a simple habit.
But I think the thing at the heart of it that matters most finally came to me. No matter the number on the scale or the size of my pants, I can't treat myself like garbage anymore. Why would anyone take care of garbage? I'm worth treating with kindness and respect. I need to treat myself like a friend. I've found room to give myself grace.
In 2017, I'll make attempts to improve the ways I eat and spend my time and money. I hope I'll be successful and that these new habits will stick. I hope by the end of this year, by taking small steps every day, I'll be miles closer to the person I want to be. But I can't wait until the 20 lbs lighter, mentally and spiritually glowing version of me is staring back at me in the mirror to love myself. That I can start today.
So I'm not working toward a lower number on the scale or a bulky savings account this year. I'm trying to build a daily discipline of boundless grace. In my disciplines, I'll remain kind to myself. I'll let myself off the hook for mess ups and try to stop thinking I look fat. I'll value myself like I value my family and friends. I'll give myself the gift of planning ahead. Sometimes I'll love myself by not skipping dessert. Other times it'll be by asking a friend to go for a walk instead of out to dinner. I'll stop fighting with myself but will acknowledge my cravings, try to make better decisions, and let it be okay when I don't. I'll start fresh every moment if needed. I'll practice things like meal prepping and budgeting, but my life discipline will be grace and love, for myself and others.
My six words for the year: a daily discipline of boundless grace ♥
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
#oneword: Follow-through
Goals are hard. I'm a big fan of New Year's resolutions until about January 4th. I love the feeling of a blank slate, a new year, everything fresh and motivating. This year could be great! I think. But I thought that this time last year, and we all know how 2016 turned out.
You're probably familiar, too, with the discouraging statistics about resolutions. We get swept up in the potential of the new year but forget at any time it takes consistent action to see results.
It's like the time I took a trip away from home for over a week to get some mental space and do some personal homework. I made a list of goals for the week. Relaxing was one of them, but also on the list were things like update my resume, finish a book or two, write each day.
The week was relaxing, reflective and helpful, and I did end up at least working on most my goals, even completed some. But I spent the majority of my time with Netflix autoplaying hours of Grey's Anatomy. I realized my habits at home will be my habits away.
My habits now will be my habits in a new year.
Unless I take intentional action to change my habits.
So after seeing so many of my goals, new year after new year, go un-accomplished, I need a new strategy. I know my downfall is follow-through. I also know I set big goals and make ambitious plans, but that victories are more often made over time in the small, day-to-day decisions.
Follow-through.
If I made a list of resolutions for 2017, it would look something like this:
Make better financial choices: budget, pay off debt and build up savings
Make better health choices and lose weight: eat better and workout
Make time for creative outlets: set aside time everyday to write and time every to do at least one creative project, like learn to play a new song or work on my art journal
Be more mindful: meditate every morning
Give back: make plans to volunteer regularly
Even for a whole year, that is a crazy-ambitious, overwhelming list. But these are all things that are important to me and that have been on my mind to improve for a while. When I try to be good at all of these things all at once, it becomes too much and I give up.
It's easy to write lofty resolutions and list goals. It's hard in the daily grind to stick to those goals.
So in order to actually see change and progress this year, I'm going to try making my goals smaller and focusing on one at a time. I'll build small, daily habits and stack them on top of each other throughout the year. I'll give myself slack to go slow and mess up. I'll focus on the small steps to lasting health and betterment as gradual shifts in my overall lifestyle.
I'm going to pick eight simple goals to focus on for six weeks at a time. (That will leave me 28 "flex" days in the year to use as needed.) The hope is that during the six weeks I focus on a goal it will become a natural part of me, a habit, part of my life. Once I have mastered one goal, I should be able to continue it with less effort while I shift my focus to the next goal for the next six weeks. Ideally, at the end of the year, I will be practicing each of these stacked goals simultaneously with relative ease.
My Goals
- Stick to a meal plan
- Complete six creative projects in six weeks
- Do something active for at least 30 minutes each day
- Follow a budget and track my spending
- Write for at least 30 minutes each day
- Meditate for ten minutes each morning
- Volunteer six times in six weeks
- Do something active for at least 60 minutes each day
If I tried to do all these things at once, I wouldn't last a day. I have tried many times before. But each goal individually seems manageable, especially given a six-week timeline. It's exciting to visualize what the end of 2017 could look like if I build these habits one by one throughout the year. Hopefully at the end each will be a part of my regular daily life.
A disclaimer for my own benefit: I will not be perfect. If I miss a day or a week, I'll keep trying for the remainder of the six weeks. If I need an extra week or two to fully master a goal, I have extra time for that.
I'll keep you posted!
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