be amazed

Food:
So I’m trying to see how long I can go without grocery shopping. Current streak: 20 days*. And my last trip only cost me $21. See, I tend to purchase too much food for the week and have to throw away a bunch of spoiled food. My fridge and pantry right now look emptier than they’ve ever looked, but I still have food there I can eat. I’m trying to be creative about what I make and eat what I have so I don’t waste food.

TL;DR My food rec this week is to find a way to waste less food.

*I had to grab a block of Parmesan from the store yesterday.

TV/Movies:
The Deuce. The Deuce. The Deuce. Are you watching The Deuce? Watch The Deuce.

The AV Club calls The Deuce the rightful heir of The Wire, and I agree. The only complaint I have about either show is the 3-minute song and credit roll at the beginning, which HBO doesn’t skip for me even when I’m binging. Check the rating if you think you might be offended by the show’s content: the sex industry in 1970s New York. Maggie Gyllenhaal + (James Franco x 2) + familiar faces from The Wire in very different roles + sex, drugs, nudity, gender dynamics, corrupt cops and “flawed, fascinating people” (AV Club) = ARE YOU WATCHING THE DEUCE YET?!

Oh, bonus rec, I checked out Sarah Silverman’s new show on Hulu, I Love America. There’s only been one episode so far, but I found it delightful and had a smile on for most of it. Excited for some more. Double bonus: I love Broad City, but this season has so far been underwhelming. That is, until the most recent episode in which Abby and Ilana eat some mushrooms and take the audience on a trip. If I were ever tempted to do ‘shrooms, I feel like I don’t need to now. The mostly animated episode takes you on a beautiful drug-induced journey, all the way through to a bad trip. I practically got the whole experience without having to escape my mind or reality. Loved it.

Music:
Still reading the book I recommended last week, The Rap Yearbook. Go check out some Eric B. and Rakim on Spotify, also the This Is: Young Thug playlist and the This Is: Kendrick Lamar playlist. Good. Shit. The Rap Yearbook basically calls Rakim the most important rapper of all time, saying he is to rap what Michael Jordan is to basketball for many reasons. Changed. the game.

Books:
I can’t read fast enough to recommend a new book every week. But my fav pod folks from Crooked Media have launched a new website with a host of new content contributors and now with written content in addition to their expanding array of podcasts. Check them out, I heart them.

Misc:
Every time I go to the library or borrow a book online, I’m reminded how wonderful a thing the library is. Sure, it takes a little more patience and effort to borrow a book when owning it is just $12.99 and one click away, but many books (or audio books or CDs or movies...) you don’t really need to own or pay for. This week I borrowed like 12 books for reference on a project I’m working on. So much knowledge, so zero moneys. I love me some free.

Amazeballs

Food
I am not ashamed to tell you that I bought a Costco sheet cake for my roommate's birthday. I bought 48 servings of cake for my her and me to share. The two of us are three-fourths of the way through the largest custom sheet cake $19 can buy. You only turn 26 once. My food recommendation this week is to indulge.

I have been trying to make better food choices. (I am always *trying* to make better food choices.) On Friday, I ordered a burger at the new Culinary Dropout (bonus rec, try this neat new Tucson hang) and got asparagus on the side instead of fries. It was delish. My point is, I am trying to eat better in general and stay active. All so I can share 48 servings of birthday cake with my live-in friend.

Be healthy. Make good choices. Get moving.

And then when the opportunity presents itself to eat cake, indulge like a mofo.

Also, if the mood strikes, buy yourself a Costco sheet cake. That shit good.

Music
New album from The Maine, Lovely Little Lonely.
And while you're at it, anything by The Maine, namely their second most recent album, American Candy.

Books
On loan from one of the coolest humans I know, I'm currently reading The Rap Yearbook by Shea Serrano. Picks the most important rap song from each year since 1979 and digests it. Serrano fills his writing with prefaces and interjections. I was annoyed with it until I realized that's how I write and talk. Now I appreciate it, though I am considering trying to develop a new writing style. His analysis is very detailed, which I also appreciate. Maybe by the time I'm done I'll be able to hear a rap song and finally be able to decipher what the lyrics mean.

TV/Movies
Also per rec of aforementioned cool person and many other recent mentions, I watched through The Good Place. So forking worth it. Adorable and smart. I loved it. I can't tell where they're headed yet with the second season, but I have hope on account of how straight delightful the first season was.

Misc
Um, how did I forget how fun racquetball is?! Played tonight for the first time in over a year. The rules are simple, it's easy enough for beginners and an hour and a half of playing is a darn good way to balance out a slice of birthday cake.

More Amazing Stuff

Music

So I just found today that some artists make public playlists on Spotify. Relient K's podcast, "RK SUMMER" is. the shit. The best part, besides the killer music, is when a song I love comes on and I find some common ground with a band I love. It's like we're jamming together. 

TV

Last week I admitted how behind I was on discovering the joy of American Ninja Warrior. Finale was INTENSE! This week I'm taking you even further back to recommend The Wire. As Pete Holmes says, "There's no good way to tell someone you haven't seen The Wire." I told someone on Sunday I started it, expecting them to celebrate with or congratulate me. Instead I got an incredulous, "Just now?" Well he can take his judgment elsewhere because I say better late than never. I'm now on season two and am completely enthralled. I couldn't turn it off last night. If you aren't convinced to watch it yet, may I add these six words: Idris Elba and Michael B. Jordan. 

Books

I just bought Jacqueline Novak's How to Weep in Public: Feeble Offerings on Depression from One Who Knows because Mike Birbiglia recommended it on Twitter and because it's on sale for two bucks. I can't tell you if it's good or not yet, but if I waited until finding that out it wouldn't be on sale anymore. (Sale runs through Oct 1.) Girl seems funny on Twitter and the title seems interesting so I'm looking forward to reading just after I finish learning how not to give a fuck. 

Food

Less of a food recommendation and more of an interesting food fact I recently heard on WTF with Marc Maron with Kathy Bates. You involuntarily sigh when you're full. Because of how much I love foods that are engineered to never stop being eaten and how often I eat to address emotions other than hunger, I have a hard time portioning myself to just eat what my body needs for sustenance. I eat past full very often. In the days since I learned this neat little fact, I have stopped eating after my sigh and have been sufficiently full until the next meal time. These meat suits are smart, y'all! 

Misc.

Brace for a twofer! Got some recent winning recommendations for skin stuff from my dermatologist. Cerave moisture cream keeps my skin comfortably hydrated for large chunks of the day and even mysteriously helps me avoid applying lotion after every single time I wash my hands. I've also been using Differin for these dark spots that started appearing under my eyes in the last couple years. (Apparently caused by hormones, who knew.) Differin is most commonly used for acne treatment and just recently became available over the counter, and for not a bad price either. As an additional bonus, it's supposed to help with wrinkles too. Triple threat! My dark spots have already lightened significantly, and I notice pimples sticking around for 1-3 days rather than 3-5. Package says it's a 30 day supply, but I have had my tube for a month and a half and am not close to finishing it. 

What neat stuff are you getting into? 

The Amazing Five

There are so many things to be overwhelmed by right now, good and bad. How in the world can we find time to take in all the good, especially while we're being fire-hosed with so much bad every day? Like, the news right now is a constant fire truck grade diarrhea hose on full blast. It's disgusting, it's painful and we wonder why no one seems to be able or willing to turn it off. Meanwhile, many have called this the golden age of television, there are thousands of podcasts being produced weekly and I can put Spotify radio on and not hear a repeated or familiar song for days on end. And who hasn't written a blog and/or book, amirite?  

Technology has made it faster, easier and cheaper to produce and consume all kinds of content, propelling our news and entertainment cycles into hyper-speed and all but killing our attention spans. I wonder daily how the hell I'm supposed to keep up. Mainly, I have to give up on my quest to be in the know about every single thing. I remind myself I can't possibly watch all the good TV, be informed on all the news and pop culture or know all there is to know about all the things ever... as much as I continue to hope and strive for that. I have to weed out what I don't care about and focus in on the best of the best. Thankfully, my friends are quality seekers who help me find the shiniest gold in this golden age of content. And whether they ask for it or not I am constantly raining recommendations on them, mostly as a way to project my FOMO onto my loved ones.  

The Amazing Five is a segment I lovingly lifted (read: outright stole) from an amazing podcast called How to be Amazing with Michael Ian Black. With each of his amazing guests he asks for a single recommendation for something amazing in each of five categories: books, TV/movies, music, food and miscellaneous. It is fun to follow the suggestions of some of my favorite famous people and to learn that celebrities are excited about some of the same things I am excited about. I also like looking into a recommendation and being like, "Thanks but no thanks, Ira Glass. Not for me." It's like we're all just humans trying to avoid the shit hoses of life and find meaning, joy and amazing things.  

Some of my favorite Amazing recommendations include Penn Jillette's recipe for chocolate cayenne blueberries, Judd Apatow, AD Miles and Al Franken recommending marriage, children and grandchildren like they're things I can one-day order on Amazon and Megan Mullaly reminding me about the Decemberists. Dan Savage also shared an all-to-relatable moment when he compared the current TV scene as "this college course that you can't keep up with the reading." Preach.  

So welcome to my new weekly segment (read: semi-consistent thing I do whenever I get around to it for however long I feel like it): Things I Like That I Want You to Like Because I Think They're Neat and Then We Can Talk About how Neat They Are Together. Admittedly, "The Amazing Five" has a much nicer ring..  

Let's begin!  

Food 

I have made this super easy and mucho delicious recipe multiple times now for company. It's customizable enough that I feel like an *actual* chef who can go off recipe, mix things up and wing a successful dish.  

Pesto chicken veggie bake 

Ingredients:  

Whatever veggies you think sound good with chicken and pesto... I use a zucchini (sliced into rounds) and some asparagus "snapped" into 1.5 - 2" segments 

Grape tomatoes (2 cups-ish) 

Pesto (3 Tablespoons) 

Boneless, skinless chicken breasts (1.5 lbs, I have used the thin sliced breasts in the past to cut cooking time in half) 

Note: Like I said, pretty much all the ingredients and amounts are customizable. You can Google roasting times for different veggies or just play it by ear.  

Instructions:  

1. Brine your chicken. I never cook chicken now without brining. Makes for cut-with-the-side-of-your-fork chicken every time. Fill a large bowl with warm, not hot, water. Dissolve some salt in there, a couple Tablespoons or so. I never use a measurement, makes me feel more "chef-y". Put the chicken breasts into the water and let them sit for 15 minutes. Take out, rinse with cold water and pat dry.  
2. While the chicken is brining, wash and cut your veggies. The zucchini works well in cm rounds or rounds and then halved or quartered. Snap or cut your asparagus into 1.5 - 2" segments.  
3. Put your washed, cut veggies and tomatoes into a large bowl and coat with 2 Tablespoons of pesto.  
4. Cut the chicken into 1" cubes. Add into your veggie bowl with the additional Tablespoon of pesto and stir it all up until well coated.  
5. Spread out flat onto one or two baking sheets. Make sure there is room between each chicken and veggie piece or you will end up steaming instead of roasting.  
6. Cook for 10 minutes and check to see if veggies are tender and chicken is at 160-165 degrees Fahrenheit. When I use thin chicken, 10 minutes of cooking is usually sufficient. If not, throw your pans back in for another 8-10 minutes.  
7. Serve warm as is, or over pasta if you like. You may want to add some olive oil or extra pesto to the pasta. Sprinkle some parm over, etc., get creative :) 

Bonus: Use your leftover pesto to make some of the best grilled cheese you will ever eat! Spread pesto on some french bread, put a slice of mozzarella on each slice over the pesto and put some sliced tomatoes in between. Oil your pan with olive oil and cook until golden brown and cheese is melted. Delish! 

Music 

Though I have long left Christian music fandom, I love John Mark McMillan's new album Mercury & Lightning. His deep voice makes you long for a heart ears emoji, and his deep lyrics are full of the right kind of struggle and the big, unanswerable questions. These days, I think faith is less about being certain about anything and more about finding peace with the things we can't know or understand. I find this in JMM's music.  

Bonus rec: after getting through Mercury & Lightning, I listened to Lil Uzi Vert's new Luv is Rage 2. Made for a fun Friday music mix last week.  

TV 

Don't judge my TV taste on this one (late) recommendation, but have you ever watched American Ninja Warrior? I got sucked in the other day while it was on during a visit to my aunt's house. Of course I've known about the show for a while but have never had an interest to watch. After a few minutes, though, I was fully invested. It's insane to watch these hyper-athletic people accomplish crazy amazing physical feats. If you are later than me to the ANW party, give it a whirl.  

Books  

How to be Here by Rob Bell, and also anything created by Rob Bell ever. His books and talks are full of peace, wisdom and inspiration. I feel lighter and more ready to live the kind of life I want to live after I consume anything he's created.  

Miscellaneous 

Truly wireless headphones. I think these are my current favorite possession. I can discretely and conveniently listen to anything all the time. While headphones are not discouraged at my work, they do give off a sense of unprofessionalism and closed-off-ness. (Often, closed-off-ness is a desired effect of headphones, but unfortunately I need to seem a little more open to interactions at work.) I wear one secret earbud all day. No one even notices when I touch my ear to pause or unpause. Love! There are better models, but the X2T headphones I bought are sufficient for the price, come with a super convenient charging and carrying case and are comfortable and easy to use. I have had a hard time using both buds in tandem, but I never really find the need to do so. Another critique of this specific product is that the volume of the beeps and voice that says, "POWER ON," "POWER OFF," etc., is uncontrollable and slightly too loud. When she yells, "BATTERY LOW," it startles me every time. Truly wireless can be expensive, so for the great deal I found these at I accept putting up with the shortcomings. 

What are you reading right now that the rest of us should read? What great show should we definitely ditch our life and binge for the weekend? (Shout-out to Robin for recommending I watch Grace and Frankie on Netflix. Weekend well spent. Next weekend I'll have to choose which David Simon show to start...) What goods should we make sure not to miss out on? Share the gold in the comments below!  

Meatloaf

You thought you hated meatloaf, but you just had never had good meatloaf.

Then it hit you, Wait, I like all the stuff in meatloaf. Why would I not like meatloaf?  

I like what meatloaf is supposed to be.  

You decided that meatloaf itself not bad; poorly-made meatloaf is bad and well-made meatloaf is delicious.

After some research, you learned that meatloaf is not really a set dish but a way to simply and deliciously combine leftover ingredients that need to be used and turn them into something new together.

Once you broke it back down to the ingredients,
tried different recipes,
realized what it really was
and got a taste of what it could be,

you were amazed to find
you loved meatloaf.

My God is like your meatloaf.

Different people in my life and for thousands of years throughout history have cooked up God wrong. Mostly good-intentioned people made God bland or mushy or overcooked or cheap, added incorrect ingredients or just totally misunderstood the whole thing. Worse, bad people used meatloaf for bad reasons and gave people a bad taste in their mouth for even the best meatloaf.

I got sick of the kind of God I was always being fed. But then I broke God back down to the ingredients.

life and love and wholeness
peace and joy and goodness
freedom and empowerment
acceptance and belonging

centeredness
groundedness
a deeper focus
on the few things that really matter

and true connection
to self,
to this moment,
with others
and somehow with reality itself

I even learned new meanings for these words. The ingredients tasted so different when fresh. They weren't loaded anymore with the chemicals, additives and processes others had put on them. They were a new thing entirely, being used in a whole new way.

I tried different versions of God, read about different religions and mindsets and arguments
and eventually decided God didn't fit in a set religion, and that I didn't need a recipe.

God wasn't a set thing, concretely defined
but a way, a source, a force

Much less objective than I had been told,
much less certain
and so much more delicious.

Saturday Shout Out: Thanks for being decent

You say you're an asshole, but I say no. (Must read to the tune of Cupid Shuffle..) Sure, you're a generally grumpy, opinionated, abrasive person, but through and through you are not an asshole.

The best thing about you is that the asshole is just on the surface. At your core, you're simply a decent person.

So many people do the opposite. They wear their nice on the outside, but they don't have a gooey, salted caramel center like you. Inside, hidden away, is their rotten, mushy asshole core. It seeps out, all while they work to keep the outside looking good.

I'm so thankful for all the ways you taught me to be a little more of an asshole on the outside.

You taught me to stand up for myself without budging, without worrying about what other people think or want, or how I'm "supposed" to be. I'm glad you broke through my surface layers, the shell I keep for appearances, to be liked, to please others, to fit.

I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you how thankful I also am for all the ways you taught me to be a little sweeter on the inside. That being right with myself and honest with others is really a kindness to everyone. That fake, outside niceness doesn't mean anything. And that effort for others shouldn't be spent on just anyone because "I should be nice" but that heartfelt effort should be saved up and gifted to those I care about. You also helped me understand how to be a more decent member of society, to know what true decency looks like and how to get deeply pissed off when people aren't being decent to each other. Lastly, while with you I learned how to be more decent to myself, to be honest about what I want and need and to go after it, to do me, to get mine and to take care of myself.

Keeping up my nice shell and living for others didn't make me right with myself or good or whole. It just helped me fit. Sometimes I fit into places I never should have been, and sometimes I forgot myself entirely. I don't want to fit for the sake of fitting anymore. You showed me how to be okay not fitting, and I realized how freeing it is to forget everyone else and be true to myself.

I saw your decency most the night you ended our relationship. You were so unbelievably kind. You were upfront and honest about your feelings right away, like I have known you to be since I met you. Though it would have been easy for a lesser person to put it off, you couldn't even wait until after dinner like you had originally planned. You were clear, to the point, decisive. It's kinder to kill something quickly than drag it out. Your prompt and courageous vulnerability was refreshing. You knew it would be hard and sad no matter how you went about it, so you chose the option hardest for you but kindest to me. You exemplified that brave, rip-the-band-aid-off honesty throughout our relationship. I hope to carry that with me and be a courageously honest person like you.

I've been chuckling to myself about how perfect of a metaphor that pineapple you brought me when you picked me up for our first date ended up being. I'm annoyed at how trendy and everywhere pineapples are right now, but there's a quote going around, "Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown and be sweet on the inside." I would add, "Be pokey on the outside and a lil' bit tart." You helped me embrace my pineapple in all those ways and more, encouraged me to own all my pokey, eccentric-ness and walk a little taller.

I'm thankful that somehow you came along at just the right time for just the right amount of time. You made me stronger. You made me braver. You made me cooler. You made me funnier. You made me better. You made me more free. You made me more me. You were just what I needed for a time, and I hope in some ways you can say the same of me.

I will be thankful for you for a very long time, likely the rest of my life.

I'm thankful for other things, too. Like all the pop culture you forced upon me, the slang you introduced me to and often had to explain to me, all the times you made me laugh, all the delicious food you cooked for me and countless other good times we had. You taught me a lot, and you helped me realized a lot for myself.

Thank you for these seven months. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for the good food and conversation. Thank you for never once not being yourself. Thank you for seeing and appreciating me. Thank you for challenging me. Thank you for being a good guy, even if you don't fully believe it. Thanks for being decent.

Saturday Shout Out: Thanks for having been

"Please remember that often gentle goodbyes are acts of great courage and kindness. Holding an unhealthy relationship close is not love. Listen - is it kinder to hold someone close and hate her or let her go so you can love her?" -Glennon Doyle Melton

Some things are very hard to understand, much less accept. Some things you never want to have happen to you. I remember being warned often that my friendships would fade.

Young friendships are fun and free and easy, less to do with shared interests and values as with proximity and convenience. But even when based on shared interests and values, older, wiser folks knew that those interests and values change over time.

One such older, wiser person patiently spent hours of her time each week telling us all the things she knew we wouldn't listen to until later. She warned us we were not the people we would end up being yet but that our personalities would develop more between the ages of 18-24 than ever before or again in our lives. We didn't believe her until it happened to us.

I do find myself now in a much different place. Not just older or in different life circumstances, but a vastly different person. I have changed my mind on many things. So have many of my friends.

So it's no wonder that we have drifted apart. But it's still very, very sad. You never think your friends will not be your friends. I deeply love each friend who laughed and cried with me and everything in between, from my elementary school best friend to my middle school posse to my high school squad to my college crew. I treasure those relationships, memories and people more than I can say. I have tried to maintain contact (personal, not just digital) with many of them, but it's harder now. We're all over the place, geographically and otherwise. We have jobs and families and non-concentric social circles. And when we find time to catch up, sometimes it still doesn't work. It's not the same. We're not the same. And it will never be the same again.

I would say this is the hardest growing up lesson I'd had to learn so far.

I am still trying to swallow the realities of it. Everything in life, like the seasons, comes and goes and comes again. Seasons of life are less predictable but just as inevitable. The flowers of spring wither in fall and disappear in winter, then different flowers bloom. So it has been with relationships.

Though it still makes me sad, I am forced to learn how to enjoy the flowers while they bloom, accept their departure and anticipate new growth. It seems harder even to act as gardener and prune when needed. I am not good at walking away. Though I can't decide which hurts more: to prune or be pruned.

I do understand, at least conceptually if not emotionally, that letting go is sometimes necessary. While I wish some had chosen to stay, I can fathom that at the time it may have been necessary for them to walk away from me. I may never fully understand or agree with their reasoning or ultimately their decision. But I can assume the best of them and trust that they were making the choice that seemed most right in that moment.

For those that simply don't have time to connect anymore, I hope they know what their friendship has meant to me. I hope they replay some of our greatest hits memories sometimes and smile. I trust that we were what we needed for each other at the time and wish each other well from a distance (and/or with virtual 'likes'). Thinking of it now, perhaps I should reach out again for old times' sake.

Here's to old times, friends.

Thanks for the laughter and the thoughtful conversation. Thank you for the precious memories. Thanks for laying out in the sunshine of life and huddling together through the storms. Thanks for all you have been to me and for me. Thanks for the good times. Thanks for letting me in.

To those I have had to create distance between, thank you for your grace, space and understanding. Thank you for sending your good vibes and wishing me well from a distance. Thank you for trying to learn the hard, sad lesson of seasons with me.

And to those courageous ones who had to make a difficult choice to let me go, to walk away, I thank you especially. Though you are the hardest to thank, it's you I have the most to thank for. From my relationships with you, I have learned and grown the most. I respect the decision you had to make. Thank you for choosing to love me by leaving me rather than holding me close with bitterness, hurt and hatred.  

To all my friends gone by, I hope our relationship can bloom again someday, in some new way. I have only good thoughts and well wishes for you. Thank you, dear friends, for having been.