Brain dump, go.

I recently read an article about being more productive. One suggestion was to write To-Don't lists instead of To-Do lists. The idea was to identify tempting time-sucks that keep you from what really needs to be done.

TV is so obviously my primary productivity roadblock, as it was for the woman who wrote this To-Don't article. (I wish I could reference it, but it's long gone by now. Skimming articles and social media posts is my secondary productivity blocker.)

She recommended something that worked for her: don't turn the TV on until you've been home at least 90 minutes. TV was a default activity she detoured by delaying it.

Today I walked into my house, and my strong TV-watching muscle memory listed for me all the new episodes I have on dock. (The Deuce and a whole new season of Mindreader, in case you're interested.)

No, the usually less assertive part of my brain said adamantly. (I got Starbucks this morning, which never fails to hyperdrive my focus, creativity, positivity, responsibility… generally every desirable trait I could hope to have is more possible with caffeine… sociability, optimism, productivity, I could go on. I'm a much better human after delicious Starbucks sugar drank.)

No, my prefrontal cortex said again as I literally stood frozen in my living room on my way to grab the remote and sink into the couch in one glorious motion. Let's do better shit for 90 minutes; there will be plenty of time for TV after. (You'll notice my prefrontal cortex uses semi-colons. Obviously.)

With the help of aforementioned happy human drug, the rest of my brain and body said, THAT'S AN AWESOME IDEA, and to work I went.

I made great headway on my To-Do list and, as Article Lady probably also experienced, after 90 minutes I realized I was fine without the TV and kept working on the shit I needsta get DONE.

That is, until a few minutes ago when I got distracted looking for an old file on my external hard-drive and instead stumbled upon every picture I've ever taken in the last ten years.

Brain dump part two, go.

I was especially distracted by pictures of me when I was apparently SUPER DUPER HELLA skinny, though I would never have said so at the time. I opened all these fine ass pictures of me wishing my body still looked like that, zooming in in straight up awe that I had a thigh gap before a thigh gap was ultimate societal beauty goals, kicking myself hard for not appreciating that body when I had it, contemplating how small, unnoticeable, gradual changes over time can really make a big difference and sighing for the fact that I may always look back and wish I was more grateful for what I had when I had it.

I also had an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia for times gone by and friends I've loved. Nostalgia is one of the especially weird feelings because it's happy and sad at the same time. There's such a sense of joy dancing with such a sense of grief. You're grateful for what was while you're grasping at something you can never hold again. I will undoubtedly feel that later for this time in my life, too.

I wish we could travel to memories. I would love to spend a day in that downstairs room off the kitchen I lived in when I first moved away from home. It was never meant to be a bedroom, and it only cost me $150 a month to rent. I lived with amazing women, some of the best friends I've had. We laughed and sang and danced and cried and studied and procrastinated and lived together, for good and bad. We hated each other at times while we were all under the same roof, but looking back I loved it. I could also spend a week back in the summer after college when I moved back in with my parents. I wouldn't mind sitting in on some of my old high school and college classes. I would visit special holidays, loving meals and late night parties for a pick-me-up on sadder days. I would take travel buddies with me for quick trips to laugh at old outfits and embarrassing moments and poor choices of boyfriends. Like I have favorite places, I would frequent my favorite years and moments. I could take in the feelings and environments again and again, making up for times I didn't fully soak in the goodness or life or fullness of a given experience.

Connecting thought, go.

It's so easy to fill the minutes and days and weeks with meaningless shit and ungratefulness and drudgery. Things you don't appreciate now you will likely miss later. Make choices with intention and meaning. Fight for your moments. Be fully here because you can never go back.

Can you tell I'm over-caffienated? Kthxbai.

be amazed

Food:
So I’m trying to see how long I can go without grocery shopping. Current streak: 20 days*. And my last trip only cost me $21. See, I tend to purchase too much food for the week and have to throw away a bunch of spoiled food. My fridge and pantry right now look emptier than they’ve ever looked, but I still have food there I can eat. I’m trying to be creative about what I make and eat what I have so I don’t waste food.

TL;DR My food rec this week is to find a way to waste less food.

*I had to grab a block of Parmesan from the store yesterday.

TV/Movies:
The Deuce. The Deuce. The Deuce. Are you watching The Deuce? Watch The Deuce.

The AV Club calls The Deuce the rightful heir of The Wire, and I agree. The only complaint I have about either show is the 3-minute song and credit roll at the beginning, which HBO doesn’t skip for me even when I’m binging. Check the rating if you think you might be offended by the show’s content: the sex industry in 1970s New York. Maggie Gyllenhaal + (James Franco x 2) + familiar faces from The Wire in very different roles + sex, drugs, nudity, gender dynamics, corrupt cops and “flawed, fascinating people” (AV Club) = ARE YOU WATCHING THE DEUCE YET?!

Oh, bonus rec, I checked out Sarah Silverman’s new show on Hulu, I Love America. There’s only been one episode so far, but I found it delightful and had a smile on for most of it. Excited for some more. Double bonus: I love Broad City, but this season has so far been underwhelming. That is, until the most recent episode in which Abby and Ilana eat some mushrooms and take the audience on a trip. If I were ever tempted to do ‘shrooms, I feel like I don’t need to now. The mostly animated episode takes you on a beautiful drug-induced journey, all the way through to a bad trip. I practically got the whole experience without having to escape my mind or reality. Loved it.

Music:
Still reading the book I recommended last week, The Rap Yearbook. Go check out some Eric B. and Rakim on Spotify, also the This Is: Young Thug playlist and the This Is: Kendrick Lamar playlist. Good. Shit. The Rap Yearbook basically calls Rakim the most important rapper of all time, saying he is to rap what Michael Jordan is to basketball for many reasons. Changed. the game.

Books:
I can’t read fast enough to recommend a new book every week. But my fav pod folks from Crooked Media have launched a new website with a host of new content contributors and now with written content in addition to their expanding array of podcasts. Check them out, I heart them.

Misc:
Every time I go to the library or borrow a book online, I’m reminded how wonderful a thing the library is. Sure, it takes a little more patience and effort to borrow a book when owning it is just $12.99 and one click away, but many books (or audio books or CDs or movies...) you don’t really need to own or pay for. This week I borrowed like 12 books for reference on a project I’m working on. So much knowledge, so zero moneys. I love me some free.

Amazeballs

Food
I am not ashamed to tell you that I bought a Costco sheet cake for my roommate's birthday. I bought 48 servings of cake for my her and me to share. The two of us are three-fourths of the way through the largest custom sheet cake $19 can buy. You only turn 26 once. My food recommendation this week is to indulge.

I have been trying to make better food choices. (I am always *trying* to make better food choices.) On Friday, I ordered a burger at the new Culinary Dropout (bonus rec, try this neat new Tucson hang) and got asparagus on the side instead of fries. It was delish. My point is, I am trying to eat better in general and stay active. All so I can share 48 servings of birthday cake with my live-in friend.

Be healthy. Make good choices. Get moving.

And then when the opportunity presents itself to eat cake, indulge like a mofo.

Also, if the mood strikes, buy yourself a Costco sheet cake. That shit good.

Music
New album from The Maine, Lovely Little Lonely.
And while you're at it, anything by The Maine, namely their second most recent album, American Candy.

Books
On loan from one of the coolest humans I know, I'm currently reading The Rap Yearbook by Shea Serrano. Picks the most important rap song from each year since 1979 and digests it. Serrano fills his writing with prefaces and interjections. I was annoyed with it until I realized that's how I write and talk. Now I appreciate it, though I am considering trying to develop a new writing style. His analysis is very detailed, which I also appreciate. Maybe by the time I'm done I'll be able to hear a rap song and finally be able to decipher what the lyrics mean.

TV/Movies
Also per rec of aforementioned cool person and many other recent mentions, I watched through The Good Place. So forking worth it. Adorable and smart. I loved it. I can't tell where they're headed yet with the second season, but I have hope on account of how straight delightful the first season was.

Misc
Um, how did I forget how fun racquetball is?! Played tonight for the first time in over a year. The rules are simple, it's easy enough for beginners and an hour and a half of playing is a darn good way to balance out a slice of birthday cake.