Though it may seem so, I assure you this post title isn't oozing with sarcasm. I'm for real. You did what you had to do, and I'm glad you did.
I hadn't wanted to admit this before, but it took a lot of courage what you did. People on TV break up weddings all the time, and they usually wait until the most painstaking moment: right before or even during the ceremony. THANK THE GOOD LORD you did not wait until then. You waited longer than I would have liked, but thank you times a million for not waiting until our wedding day.
Life is harder than it looks on television, and I can now admit that it must have taken a lot to work yourself up to breaking off our engagement when you did.
You bought a ring. We put a deposit down on a date and a venue. We had two different photographers (unpaid family and friend volunteers, thank goodness) take engagement photos. I bought a dress, we booked a DJ, we designed the flowers. I had just finished addressing all the invitations and had bought the postage.
You sat me down in January and told me you had been having doubts about our getting married since September, which was one month before we got engaged. I was furious that you had waited so long to tell me. Now, on the other side of hurt and healing, I am thankful that the scariness of telling me then didn't cause you to shut up and tell me even later.
It's a year after we broke up, but I still don't fully see the purpose of the blip we were in each other's life. I believe I will one day, when you are a far distant memory. But I can already begin to appreciate the things I've learned and the person I've become because of the experience of almost marrying you.
I saw a picture of you the other day. It felt like a picture of a stranger or maybe someone from a dream. I knew you well, I thought. But I will never know you again. There was a bit of sadness, but strangely there was mostly a feeling of weightlessness, almost like relief. Funnily enough, it was a lot like a Taylor Swift song.
I still hate to admit that you were right. I say instead that you did the right thing at the wrong time. But you were right that it was wrong for us to be together. We talked ourselves into the idea that we had found our match, and it was an easy idea to believe when things were easy.
People think love is about feelings. But love really happens when the feelings aren't there. When life is hard and you've run out of reasons to love someone, that's when the choice to do so anyway really means something.
But at the core of who you were, when you weren't putting effort into it, I didn't really like that person. It was hard to enjoy you for exactly who you were and even harder to really love you. I didn't enjoy your raw existence, and I know you didn't enjoy mine.
I love you now like I love the Constitution. You are a part of my history and the fact that you exist still plays a part in my life and will forever. But I spend barely any time thinking of you. I am thankful for what you taught me and the person I became from knowing you. I am also thankful, though, that I don't have to spend everyday reading you.
Thank you for the role you played in my life. Thank you for loving me well for a short time and challenging me to be the best Katelyn I can be. Thank you for all the things you taught me through the process of building a relationship together, planning a life together, and then dismantling it all. Thank you for finally being able to say what you had been afraid to say for so long. Thank you for breaking up with me.
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