1. I need to write. Nothing gets processed inside my brain. My words need to come out, and I have a lot of words. My friends and family endure my longwindedness, but sometimes I have too many words for even the people I know. So I write. And the better-sounding stuff I post here.
2. Posting makes me edit, which helps me further process and organize my thoughts. Some things I have written in my digital journal or private blog of sorts make no sense when I go back and read them. They were thoughts I needed to get out at the time, but unedited, unorganized and without context I have no idea what I was on about. It helps me sharpen a skill I enjoy.
3. It takes me out of my comfort zone. I get nervous when someone tells me they are reading through my blog. It's one thing to stand for what I write and know that [a small number of] people read it. It's another thing to stand for what I wrote three years ago. My thoughts are out there, as my header quote says, "for my scrutiny and yours." My feelings are frozen in a moment. My writing, my personality and my experiences are benchmarked over time. It's vulnerable in the good way, and it is equally scary and exciting.
Which leads me to something else equally scary and exciting. I love playing music in my free time. But like writing in a private digital journal, playing music alone in my room is safe and unpolished. When I think about sharing the songs, I get nervous. I have to practice longer, and I can't skip over the tough parts. Playing for other people makes me better.
It's also a tribute to the music that's meaningful to me. You know those songs that keep you going and give words to your feelings and let you sing out your anger/fear/sadness/joy? I'm going to post some of these songs. And you'll see if you listen, it's obviously not about the quality of how I play or sing the song. It's about getting the words out, practicing a craft and being vulnerable in the good way. It's about freezing a moment in time and honoring the season of life during which I needed this song that spoke to my soul.
(Un)lost by [one of my top five favorite artists] The Maine
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