Here is it without a filter.
I am not wearing makeup. My niece doesn't care. To her, I'm equally fun with and without it. I would be surprised if she noticed a difference.
I left hanging out with my niece a little early that day to get ready for a date. My roommate saw me before and after and told me I "did a 180" after running a straightener through my hair and putting some foundation and eyeliner on.
I doubt my date would have minded my lack of makeup, and I could have spent those precious extra minutes with my niece instead of leaving early.
I have always been jealous of men who can be ready for any occasion in five to ten minutes, fifteen if they need to shave. I have seen some friends after relocating to cruncytowns like Seattle and Denver wear less or no makeup, comfortably fitting with the culture there. After a recent trip to Denver, I was lured in by the lax style. Women with clean faces wearing hiking boots looked happy and free.
Neglecting to pack my makeup for a quick weekend trip forced me to test out this trend.I went out on a Friday evening to multiple bars and restaurants without my hair done or makeup on.
And you know what I thought every time I caught my reflection?
Wow.
I look good.
I even took a selfie and sent it to a boy I like. His response: "So perttyyy."
Conclusion: we don't need this shit! I recently read an article about three women who didn’t wear makeup for a week. One woman's longterm boyfriend didn't even notice. No one's coworkers could tell a difference, even when they were given hints or were flat out told they weren't wearing makeup.
The vice president of my organization wears khakis and a polo shirt to work everyday. Who ever told me I can't do that too?
Newsflash: we can!
Caitlin Moran recently decided she's not fucking with dresses and heels at fancy events anymore. The men, she noticed, get to have so much more fun and are so much more comfortable and relaxed than their female counterparts who, throughout the entire event, are at least partially distracted by the pain from their heals and other nonsense like their spanx riding up and having to hold their clutch the whole time. Now she wears a suit and flats, just like the men. I love her primary rule of equality (paraphrased): if the men don't worry about this, then neither should we.
I look good when I get dressed up. I spend upwards of an hour getting ready. I enjoy it. And at the end, I reap my spoils by looking in the mirror, saying, "Damn, girl!" and taking a selfie or 17 to immortalize the moment.
But it's more fun when I rush out the door, decide makeup is not worth my time today and in a quick mirror-glance surprise myself for just looking effortlessly beautiful.
'Nother newsflash: we are all effortlessly beautiful.
No matter what anyone has ever said to you or the deep, secret insults you have said to yourself or any time you ever thought you didn't match up. You are beautiful as is. When was the last time you told yourself this? When was the last time you looked in the mirror and listed the good things you saw? When was the last time you caught your own glance in a reflective surface and appreciated what you saw instead of criticizing? Do you every wink at yourself? Smile at yourself? How many selfies have you taken, just for yourself, because ya look poppin' and the light's hitting just right?
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| Can you tell I take a lot of selfies? |
But on the days I'm a visual mess, that's me too. Messy hair, no makeup, second day without a shower me is SO me. Real. Organic. So I smirk. I don't roll my eyes at my reflection or sigh with disgust, frustration and hate. I laugh at the expectation that I should look any certain way any amount of the time. I take selfies then, too.
I tell myself, "Whatever, girl, ya got better things to do than fix your hair right now."
"Don't worry bout it. You're cute just the same,"
"People get pimples. Whevs."
"There's nothing you need to do to be beautiful or enough right now besides existing."
"Flawless is boring."
"You're working that messy, post-workout look."
"I can see your inside pretty through your eyes."
"Yeah I look tired, cuz I've been killing it hard."
I loved on the show Girls how the rawness of each character was not only accepted but celebrated. Each with their own personal style, strengths, flaws and body types. All beautiful. I am far from the first to say we need more examples of real women being real and raw and organic and fewer examples of fictional photoshopped perfection.
That's why I follow the #bodyposi movement on Instagram. I need women in my life who publically declare that all bodies are beach- and bikini-ready. I need women who don't let their jiggling keep them from dancing and don't let their arms keep them from going sleeveless and don't let anyone else feed them any expectations about how they should look or who they should be.
I think we all need these women, and we all need to be these women.
And let's be this for each other. Talking to a coworker about this subject the other day, she said the week she went without mascarra, she'd never gotten so many comments about looking tired. Never tell someone they look tired! Let's stop having expectations for each other, let's stop comparing and competing. Let's start celebrating each other for exactly who we are.
Some women love putting on makeup, and to them I say, "Get it! Lookin' good! Do you!" Sometimes I like it too. It's not about makeup or not, or skinny or not. It's about not doing things because of bogus cultural expectations. It's about definitely not feeling like you fall short when you don't look photoshopped every second of every day. It's about rejecting society's definitions of beautiful and sexy, convincing yourself until you actually believe you are the true meaning of beautiful and sexy and celebrating the real, raw you.
I love Glennon Doyle Melton's definition of sexy: "I think sexy is a grown-up word to describe a person who's confident that she is already exactly who she was made to be. A sexy woman knows herself and she likes the way she looks, thinks and feels. She doesn't try to change to match anybody else. She's a good friend to herself – kind and patient. And she knows how to use her words to tell people she trusts about what's going on inside of her – her fears and anger, love, dreams, mistakes and needs. When she's angry, she expresses her self in healthy ways. When she's joyful she does the same thing. She doesn't hide her true self because she's not ashamed. She knows she's just human – exactly how God made her and that's good enough. She's brave enough to be honest and kind enough to accept others when they're honest. When two people are sexy enough to be brave and kind with each other, that's love. Sexy is more about how you feel than how you look. Real sexy is letting your true self come out of hiding and find love is safe places."
And her definition of beautiful: "Beautiful means 'full of beauty.' Beautiful is not about how you look on the outside. Beautiful is about what you're made of. Beautiful people spend time discovering what their idea of beauty on this earth is. They know themselves well enough to know what they love, and they love themselves enough to fill up with a little of their particular kind of beauty each day . . . Women who are concerned with being pretty think about what they look like, but women who are concerned with being beautiful think about what they are looking at. They are taking it all in. They are taking in the whole beautiful world and making all that beauty theirs to give away to others."
What is your definition of sexy? Beautiful? Enough? Do you tell yourself you are those things? Because you are.
So be your biggest chearleader. Flood yourself with kindness. Treat your body like a friend. Drown out the voices that say you need to slim down or cover up or buy [insert unnecessary beauty product here].
Accept yourself.
Celebrate who you are.
DO. YOU.
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