Saturday Shout Out: Thanks for the effort slash thanks for letting us be equals

For many years I've wanted to teach a seminar to men about how a little effort goes a long way, especially with women. So many guys I've known have not seemed to understand how big a difference a few small things can make.

It seems like you have taken such a seminar. 

When you picked me up for our first date, you brought a thoughtful gift. You opened my car door every time we got in and held the door of the restaurant for me on the way in and out. You planned our evening ahead of time, took me to a nice restaurant you thought I would like and paid for our meal. 

In the days following, you texted me sparingly as to not overwhelm me but to let me know you're thinking about me. 

You had a plan again for our second date. Simple but fun and creative. You paid again. 

I'm not sure how you feel about traditional gender roles, but after my insisting to pay for our next date you're letting me reverse almost all of them. I'm picking you up. I've chosen a nice restaurant I hope you'll like, to which I will drive us and at which I will pay the bill.

In being the one to plan our date, there have been a lot more things to think about. They are things I could have forgotten, but I truly believe the relational messages behind these small acts are important and powerful. "You are worthy of my thoughts, time and effort." That's really what we want to hear from the people around us, sometimes with words but mostly through actions.

The most work I put into our date was cleaning out my car. In everyday life, I use my car like a giant purse. My recent move made it worse, and there was a variety of miscellaneous items from my old house and for my new house. I cleared everything out, vacuumed the carpet and wiped down the dash. (You'll have to deal with the stains in the upholstery. I've driven - and eaten in - this car for over ten years.)

Partly I hope my clean car impresses you. I hope you think I'm always this clean. I hope you think it took me no effort whatsoever to make my car clean for you for our date. But I also don't mind if you don't believe that for a second and smile a little thinking I cleaned my car specifically for you.

Thank you for the little ways you have shown me I am worthy of someone's thoughts, time and effort. Thank you for being a gentleman and treating me with genuine respect. Thank you for taking time to plan things for me and for putting forethought and effort into our time together.

Thanks also for letting me have a turn. It's nice to remember that effort takes effort but that it's worth it. I could have just shown up at your house with a messy car and without a plan. But I want to think about the things. I want my actions to show others that they matter. I hope you feel valuable and extra thought of. I am enjoying the way you make me feel taken care of without making me feel patronized. You have found a delightful balance between chivalry and equality.

Thanks for all the effort, slash thanks for letting us be equals.