I was in a terrible state of mind, so I can't remember if I thanked you. I hope I did at the time, but I'm sure I didn't thank you enough for your kindness and generosity exactly when it was needed.
Some of my fondest memories all throughout my life include your family. I am glad for the rich history of friendship and fun our families have experienced together. But it is easy to be friends in fun. The friends that matter most are the ones that come alongside for the hard times in the right ways. Not many do this well.
You saw me in need and interjected yourselves into my pain with care and compassion. What you mostly gave was your presence. You didn't offer me the adages everyone else had in plenty. You didn't offer me advice or really even condolences. You sat with me. You let me cry with you. You let me be not alone, even if that just meant me running errands with you or watching a movie on your couch while you did Saturday morning chores. You fed me so I could have one less thing to worry about. You discussed big ideas with me so I could stop focusing on the hurting. You laughed with me so I could remember joy. You offered yourselves, you let me ask for what I needed and you provided.
I saw many others seem to have a difficult and uncomfortable time being around me during my troubles. Many don't know what to say or do, so they stay away or they say and do hurtful things on accident. You made it so simple and comfortable, though. With you I didn't feel like the elephant in the room. I'm glad you weren't afraid of my pain, so much so that you took some of it on for me. You didn't shy away, you didn't try to help me stay positive. I'm thankful you just let me exist, and you made yourselves available for me to exist next to.
I needed my people, but many of my people live far away. Even my parents were gone on a long, faraway trip. I don't know how that week of intense heartbreak would have looked had you not reached out, but I know that your friendship and support offered much comfort and helped me process and move through my grief.
People do many crazy things when pain happens. They are afraid, so they avoid it or try to wish it away with positivity and prayer. But there is an unofficial secret society of resilient warriors who know that the wisest and bravest people walk through the fire of pain until they come out the other side a more refined version of themselves. So the people I needed in pain were not people to tell me that it was going to be okay or to pray for me or to try and help me figure out why everything went so wrong. It was not the people who could offer advice about how to best get out of the pain or how to avoid pain in the future. My life was ablaze, and I was feeling the burn. I needed people to walk through the fire with me, to be next to me when it got too much, to tell me that I was going through a hard thing and that I have a right to hurt, but that I was a strong, resilient warrior walking through the fire. I needed people not afraid to walk too close to my fire for fear of getting burned themselves but who with courage would risk their own pain and discomfort to help shield me from some of my own. I needed people to remind me that love looks like simple actions of kindness. I felt alone deep in my soul, so being alone physically was too much to bear. I needed people to sit, eat, cry, laugh, rest and be with. I needed people like you to offer their company and expect little of me besides bearing my circumstance. I needed people to not ask of me but to accept me as is, whatever little I was able to give. Thank you for being a couple of those people.
Thank you for being available. Thank you for providing meals for me. Thank you for stimulating conversation. Thank you for your passion for life. Thank you for inviting me in with my troubles so I didn't have to bear them alone. Thank you for letting me lay on your couch and cry while watching Goodwill Hunting alone ☺ Thank you for manipulating the system at Eegee's so I could have watermelon in September ☺☺ Thank you for going back to the roots of love and simply being kind to and accepting of others. Thank you for not being afraid. Thank you for letting me say things I needed to say and be silent when there was nothing to say. Thank you for expecting nothing of me and offering me what I needed. Thank you for being friends. Thank you for stepping in.
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